Manly Wisdom from a Vet to a Rookie

A few hours ago I brought my family of 4 home from the hospital. Taylor and I are simultaneously exhausted and having an absolute blast with our two boys. Watching our 23 month-old son, Cru, interact with his 2 day-old brother, Hudson, has been hilarious and touching.

While checking email this afternoon I came across a “keeper” email from a good friend and elder at my church, a veteran father charging this rookie father with wisdom for the days ahead/the rest of my life. I’m so thankful for having men like this in my life, men who will call me out as a husband and father and challenge my selfish bent.

I think many men would benefit from the wisdom/reminder in this email, so below I’ve copied the main body of the email. I’ve put one portion of the email in bold as it provides an application question that I hope, by God’s grace, to ask myself regularly.

…I am adding a prayer for your marriage, clearly more stress and pressure will be applied with two young ‘uns and all the great stuff you are involved in.

We talk about being “intentional” all the time, over the next year you are really going to have to be intentional in putting Taylor’s needs ahead of your own. She will be 24/7 putting the needs of two boys ahead of her wants, desires and needs…that’s the just the way it is in this stage with multiple kids….so she is going to desperately need someone to pamper her and put her first…prioritize her.

Guess what that is YOU :) I know this sounds kind of like a raw deal (I mean who is going to be pampering Justin?). But this is the Biblical model. Christ laid down his life so that He could present the church (bride) blameless. I think as men we have that same challenge, we need to be building into our wives by serving them, meeting their needs, putting them first in all things…that’s how we lead them to a deeper relationship with Jesus.

Fight the very human desire to want something for yourself. When those thoughts come try and transfer it to, “how can I take something off of Taylor’s plate today?”.

I know this may sound a bit brutal in lieu of all you have going on….but God made you strong for a purpose, He gave you an abundance of gifts for a purpose, and He has provided many friends to pray for you all for a purpose…

This Post Has 11 Comments

  1. AMEN to this email from a very mature Christian. I only wish that I would have received an email like this after my three kids were born. However, it’s never too late to implement these Godly principles. Thanks for sharing this.

  2. Thank you for sharing this. My wife is 7.5 months along with our first, and I know that when our baby girl arrives it is going to be a whole new world, and a whole new stage in our marriage. There is a lot of wisdom in the words you posted, and I am surely going to need to be reminded of them.

  3. Super advice. I am keeping this in my “to read often file.” Whenever there is some free time I am definitely thinking of what I would like to do- where I should be thinking of how to take something off my wife’s plate…

  4. Speaking as a wife and mother of two young boys, I can agree this is very sage advice and think it should be a standing footnote in the CPC Sunday bulletin!! Justin, definitely take advantage of the support that God offers you through your church, friends and extended family during this time. Never be afraid of seeming “weak” in admitting the need for help. You guys do so much to serve others, but don’t forget to let God bless you now through others’ service toward you. Lots of prayers and love to you guys during this babymoon. :)

  5. “I think as men we have that same challenge, we need to be building into our wives by serving them, meeting there needs, putting them first in all things…that’s how we lead them to a deeper relationship with Jesus.”
    Man that hit me hard. Isn’t that so true also of how we share the Gospel to people outside our families?
    I just got slapped with the truth stick

  6. Amen!
    You’ve just brought a personal application to a portion of the Bible I was reading last night. When Jesus was grieved because of John’s (the Baptist) death and the people were looking for Him, instead of crawling into some bitter thoughts (such us “Why can’t I have some time with myself?!” “Can’t they see I’m hurting?!” “Don’t they care about me but only themselves?!”), He got up and brought healing + teaching + food + consolation to many of them.
    You’ve just applied – in a way I hadn’t think of – the passage for me. Thank you (and thank your vet for me). I’m in a relationship with this young lady, still waiting for the time in which we’ll be able to marry, and I’m joyful I got this piece of wisdom ahead of time. I pray the Lord will bring it to mind – as He has promised – in due time.
    Too many times are we tempted to believe we are to be the center of our worlds. Let’s keep running upward and forward!
    Congratulations! And congrat Taylor for me too! The Lord bless you, and your wife, and your children; and give you the joy of seeing your offsprings walking in the Lord’s path from a young age.
    Much love in Jesus.

  7. Thanks for passing on this challenge. Though I don’t have any kids yet, I still need the constant reminder and challenge to take on the heart and mind of a servant regarding my wife. Marriage is excellent. I am so blessed to have a beautiful, loving, godly wife. At the same time, marriage also exposes the flaws in your own character that can go unnoticed when you’re single. It has been a humbling experience. I have realized that I am more selfish than I care to be or would admit. So again…thanks for this encouragement and challenge. It came in handy just last night.

  8. Thanks for the post Justin! My wife and I have been working through some tough stuff lately in an effort to deepen and strengthen our marriage before we begin having kids. I’m grateful for the reminder of my role in the process.

  9. There’s a different, and much better I think, model in which you both give equally to your children and each other, rather than the wife putting the kids first and the husband putting the wife first and nobody putting him first. How about both parents give equally to the children and equally to each other? My wife and I give equally to each other and that’s how I intend we’ll live if/when we have children. In my experience, “separate but equal” never works, in society or in a family.

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