Algebra for Parenting
A guest post by Taylor Buzzard:
This is a mathematics post. The reason for this different approach is my teething four-month-old’s frequent nighttime waking, which leaves me struggling to think clearly enough to form sentences. Math doesn’t require too many sentences, so I think this is a good plan. Let’s get started.
Your children are your dependents for 18 years. Yes, in some cases children try to remain dependents indefinitely. But, our task is to prepare them for life on their own, and 18 years is the amount of time they are our legal dependents, so 18 is the number we will work with.
Our algebra equation for the day is as follows:
x / 18 = y
“x” is your child’s age.
18 is the number of years your child is your dependent.
“y” is the percentage of time that has passed.
My firstborn is a mere 2.25 years old. He’s so young that I catch myself calling him my baby from time to time. Yet, mathematics tells me a sad truth.
2.25 /18 = 0.125
0.125 = 12.5%
12.5% of my time with him as my dependent is GONE. DONE. OVER. When I first did this calculation, I thought I had set up the equation wrong. It couldn’t be true, there had to be a mistake somewhere. I redid the math, I checked the equation, and had to face the dark reality. Over 10% of my time is done. And he’s still in diapers!
Algebra can help with parenting.
If you’ve had a challenging day with a know-it-all teenager, a pre-pubescent tween, a non-stop question asking child, or a shrieking infant, do the math and watch your heart soften. Our time with our children is fleeting. Be intentional. Seize every moment by the horns. And do the math again, every now and then, to remind yourself of how fast their childhood is going to whiz by.
Please, do the math. The math will help you love your children better today. The math will make you take a giant step backwards, away from the difficulties of parenting, to better see the privilege and delight of parenting. Take your child’s age, divide it by 18. Take the resulting number and move the decimal point over 2 places to the right, and that is the percentage of time that has passed. Leave a comment if the result leaves you a bit shocked.
Wow! We’ve already spent 22.7% of our time with our twin boys! (Assuming they move out at 18…which in this day and age is a big assumption).
It seems like just yesterday we were bringing them home from the hospital.
I love this post, Taylor. I really do. Maybe it’s because I’m a math nerd—or, maybe it’s because my oldest daughter just turned 16 and I needed a reminder to seize the day. By this calculation, she is 88.9% through her childhood. Someone wise once said, “The days are long, but the years are short.” How true.
This is a good perspective on parenting. I’m shocked that my oldest is 27% done being my dependent. And my youngest is 11%. I want some time back. :(
This reminds me of the old adage: “the days are long, but the years are short”.
dependent.. Now that’s a word.. Or in math terms… A hypothesis?
I would recalculate to 25! Legally by tax law .. You can claim them up to 25!!
Very thoughtful. Two comments; One is that many days I regret that I did not savour the days wiht my children more.
Second is htat the second half of the equation sis more painful; After the 18 years, they go away, mentally for sure, often physically, and for the rest of your life, you worry about them! They take away your piece/peace of mind, and you never get it back!
Great post Tay and so true! The perspective you describe really does soften the heart.
so true, but even more sobering is when you subtract out the nearly one third of the years that are spent sleeping. As a parent of six kids I came to realize that the actual time we have is so short. Like you said, “be intentional”. Now we’re facing the grandparent stage and seeing the next generation come along.
thats just about the cutest picture ever…you are a great mama and oh-so-intentional!
Wow!! That makes me teary-eyed as I think about sweet Carli taking a nap in my arms this evening. I didn’t have the heart to put her down, even though I have a thousand things to do around the house. After reading that, I’m so glad that I just cuddled with her on the couch and watched Wheel of Fortune, Ha!! B/c I couldn’t reach the remote. Thanks Taylor for this reminder.
Actually, I’d like to add a startling addition to this post.
I read that it’s actually around age 10 when a child’s most important influences change from being their parents to being their peers/friends! So parents only have until about Junior High, and then after that, parents become the “nagging parental units” in addition to/instead of being the formative influence of their childhood.
And it makes sense—even though we have our children as legal dependents until they are 18, they will likely (A) stay home longer, (B) become independent “adults” before age 18, and (C) will have prioritized their friends a long time ago (age 10ish)!
So, according to this theory, perhaps a more appropriate equation would be “x ÷ 10 = y” or something like that!
Which means I’ve already lost 20% of my time with my oldest, instead of only 11% =\.
[...] posted about the percentage of her time that has passed with her children as dependants using a simple calculation from this blog. While I think the calculation itself is over-simplified, for a frustrated, over-tired or otherwise [...]
