5 Step Dating Method for Men
I recently received an email from a guy in church asking for my help in developing more ways for the singles in our church to get to know each other and potentially develop dating relationships.
In replying to the email, I first reminded my this guy how most single twentysomething Christian men would be envious of his position: being part of a church that God has kindly “stocked” (ladies, don’t take offense, I use the term in good jest and in line with the metaphor you will see below) with a huge number of godly, beautiful, single and available women in their twenties. Second, I explained why I will not start a program to facilitate Christian dating. Third, I shared a simplified 5-Step approach for getting more young men to the altar. I’ll copy that part of the email below. You may want to share it with single men in your church.
Step 1. Keep it your first priority to walk tightly with Jesus, to be growing in godliness as a man. This includes having other godly men/friendships in your life. If you’re maturing in Christ, you know yourself pretty well, and you don’t think God has called you to singleness, move on to Step 2.
Step 2. Pray daily that God would bring into your life a godly woman who you can have a great marriage with, all the while working on THE BAIT (that’s you) that you’re putting on THE DATING FISHING HOOK.
Step 3. Meet a lady who is a Christian, who is breathing, who is over the age of 18, and who you feel some level of the hots for, then move on to Step 4.
Step 4. Step up and ask the lady out on a date, then see what happens. If things don’t go well (if you get rejected, etc.), re-evaluate Steps 1-3, especially examining the quality of THE BAIT (you), then get working on Step 3 again. If things go well (and if those who know you best and who you’re in community with also think things are going well), move on to Step 5.
Step 5. Buy a ring, get married, start making babies, and love your bride like Christ loved the church until death do you part.
wow…how simple! now, any advice for girls?
About Step 2, if a guy wants to marry, there’s no reason he should have to think about whether or not he has “the gift of singleness”. For one, the GoS doesn’t exist. It was a mistranslation of the Living Bible (now the NLT) that has since been fixed. Secondly, the Bible speaks of marriage entirely in the language of personal choice (see 1 Cor 7:8,36, 39, 1 Cor 9:5).
Perhaps the reason why so many guys don’t “step up” is because they’ve had the GoS preached at them so many times, they think that God will just “bring” them a godly woman, when in fact the scriptures speak of wives as something you must “find” yourself (Proverbs 18;22).
GORTEXGRRL,
I think you’re totally right. A lot of guys are really passive, but don’t forget the second part of Proverbs 18:22–that a man who finds a wife finds favor from the Lord. We face an active dependance on God.
We step up, but he must provide and ordain a union.
This is a great post, though, JT!
I’ve noticed that working on step one ultimately becomes the good bait. At least for Godly women who pay attention.
“don’t forget the second part of Proverbs 18:22–that a man who finds a wife finds favor from the Lord.”
This isn’t a verse about “dependence upon God”, it’s about receiving favor from the Lord when you do something good, as when you a find a woman and marry her. Obedience = favor from God.
