Having a 3rd Kid is Cheaper Than You Think
I love having three sons, so I enjoyed this USA Today article, Hey Parents, the Third Kid’s A Bargain. Here is the lead:
In a tepid economy, people look to save money however they can. One strategy? Not having kids. After hitting a high of 4.3 million in 2007, U.S. births tumbled, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, to about 4 million in 2010.
It makes sense. Each year, the U.S. Department of Agriculture produces a study calculating how much it costs to raise a child to age 18. In 2010, the price tag was $226,920 — curiously close to the U.S. median house price ($221,800). Given how vexing housing has been, families are understandably wary of adding similarly-priced babies to the mix.
But a closer look at these numbers shows that the real sticker shock happens when you have the first kid — something the vast majority of couples do. After that, the marginal costs decline considerably, to the point where the third kid — the one most families don’t have — is downright cheap. That’s good news for would-be bigger families because, despite vague talk of overpopulation as this planet crossed 7 billion inhabitants in October, Americans tend to undershoot, not overshoot, their preferred family size.
You Never Marry the Right Person
Tim Keller, You Never Marry the Right Person (be sure to click the link to read the whole article):
In generations past, there was far less talk about “compatibility” and finding the ideal soul-mate. Today we are looking for someone who accepts us as we are and fulfills our desires, and this creates an unrealistic set of expectations that frustrates both the searchers and the searched for.
In John Tierney’s classic humor article “Picky, Picky, Picky” he tries nobly to get us to laugh at the impossible situation our culture has put us in. He recounts many of the reasons his single friends told him they had given up on their recent relationships:
“She mispronounced ‘Goethe.’”
“How could I take him seriously after seeing The Road Less Traveled on his bookshelf?”
“If she would just lose seven pounds.”
“Sure, he’s a partner, but it’s not a big firm. And he wears those short black socks.”
“Well, it started out great … beautiful face, great body, nice smile. Everything was going fine—until she turned around.” He paused ominously and shook his head. ”… She had dirty elbows.”In other words, some people in our culture want too much out of a marriage partner. They do not see marriage as two flawed people coming together to create a space of stability, love and consolation, a “haven in a heartless world,” as Christopher Lasch describes it. Rather, they are looking for someone who will accept them as they are, complement their abilities and fulfill their sexual and emotional desires. This will indeed require a woman who is “a novelist/astronaut with a background in fashion modeling,” and the equivalent in a man. A marriage based not on self-denial but on self-fulfillment will require a low- or no-maintenance partner who meets your needs while making almost no claims on you. Simply put—today people are asking far too much in the marriage partner.
Date Your Wife (When You’re 90 Years-Old)
Soon I will share more details about the release of my book, Date Your Wife. My hope is that Date Your Wife will help shape more men into husbands like Dr. Robert Mounce. From Justin Taylor‘s blog:
Dr. Robert H. Mounce, president emeritus of Whitworth College, has served as an important biblical commentator (especially on the book of Revelation in the NICNT series) and as a Bible translator (involved early on in the translation of the NIV and serving on the translation committee of the ESV—where he served with his son Bill, author of the widely used Basics of Biblical Greek Grammar).
A filmmaker was recently able to capture a brief snapshot of Dr. Mounce as he cares for his beloved wife through her extended illness. Dr. Mounce will be 90 at the end of the year, and his wife is 91.
This is what love and faithfulness looks like:
Why Marriage is Hard
Any two people who enter into marriage are spiritually broken by sin, which among other things means to be self-centered…That is why a good marriage is more painfully hard to achieve than athletic or artistic prowess. Raw, natural talent does not enable you to play baseball as a pro or write great literature without enduring discipline and enormous work. Why would it be easy to live lovingly and well with another human being in light of what is profoundly wrong within our human nature? Indeed, many people who have mastered athletics and art have failed miserably at marriage. So the Biblical doctrine of sin explains why marriage–more than anything else that is good and important in this fallen world–is so painful and hard. -Tim and Kathy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage pp. 40-41
Buzzard Boys
After Jesus and my wife, my greatest joy is in my three sons.
Today my middle son, Hudson, turns 3.
Tomorrow my youngest son, Gus, turns 1.
In a few weeks my oldest son, Cru, turns 5.
My three sons are a gift I don’t take for granted. I love them so much. A huge chunk of my time and energy every day goes to loving, leading, enjoying, training, and wrestling these three little guys. Our home is full of so much testosterone, play, laughter, and non-stop care-giving. My wife and I love it. The time is already going by so fast.
I think the greatest ministry in my life has nothing to do with church planting or writing or speaking, but with these three boys.
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the children of one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
(Psalm 127:3-5 ESV)
3 Things To Do To Prepare For Marriage
Lately I’ve been talking to my two older sons (4 and 2 years old) a lot about marriage. I have many years to teach them, but I’m starting now to catechize them on how to think about their future. My boys have memorized three things they need to do to prepare for marriage. If a stranger asked them about this, my two year-old could rattle off this list with enthusiasm. What I tell my two year-old is the same thing I tell men in their twenties and thirties.
1. Love Jesus
2. Have a Job
3. Pick a Girl Who Loves Jesus
2,920 Days of Marriage
Today I celebrate 2,920 days of marriage to my bride and best friend, Taylor.
Photo: A lake in New England.
Teach Your Kids About Failure and Grace
Go read Collin Hansen’s full article, Failure Is Not an Option. Here are a few excerpts:
Your kids will fail. This is both inevitable and also necessary. Apparently not many parents today want to hear this uncomfortable fact. And they certainly don’t want to implement it in how they discipline their children. Writing the cover story for The Atlantic’s July/August issue, therapist Lori Gottlieb alerts us that the cult of self-esteem is ruining our kids. Convinced they are the center of the universe and capable of anything, our children have become insufferable narcissists. Then, when these kids grow up and fail, as they must, they head for the nearest therapist, worried their lives have gone horribly wrong. Gottlieb writes:
[R]ates of anxiety and depression have also risen in tandem with self-esteem. Why is this? “Narcissists are happy when they’re younger, because they’re the center of the universe,” [psychology professor Jean] Twenge explains. “Their parents act like their servants, shuttling them to any activity they choose and catering to their every desire. Parents are constantly telling their children how special and talented they are. This gives them an inflated view of their specialness compared to other human beings. Instead of feeling good about themselves, they feel better than everyone else.”
As you might expect, this attitude wreaks havoc in the real world of adulthood.
…If you don’t teach them that Christians sometimes fail, then they’ll conclude Christianity has failed. But by the grace of God they’ll add to the numbers of bitter adults who grew up in the church and rail against its destructive influence. Yet when they see us fail, repent, and ask God’s forgiveness, they’ll see in action the most glorious truth of all, that God himself took on flesh and walked among us, failures all, so we might walk with him in heaven forevermore. They’ll know that when they fail, too, God’s grace abounds to even the chief of sinners.
Father’s Day
The joy of my life is my wife and my three sons. Yes, my greatest joy is God, but I find so much joy in these gifts God has given me: a wife, a life, and three wild sons that I don’t deserve. It’s a happy Father’s Day in our home. May you take great delight in your Heavenly Father and in the gifts he’s given you today.
