You Never Marry the Right Person

Tim Keller, You Never Marry the Right Person (be sure to click the link to read the whole article):

In generations past, there was far less talk about “compatibility” and finding the ideal soul-mate. Today we are looking for someone who accepts us as we are and fulfills our desires, and this creates an unrealistic set of expectations that frustrates both the searchers and the searched for.

In John Tierney’s classic humor article “Picky, Picky, Picky” he tries nobly to get us to laugh at the impossible situation our culture has put us in. He recounts many of the reasons his single friends told him they had given up on their recent relationships:

“She mispronounced ‘Goethe.’”
“How could I take him seriously after seeing The Road Less Traveled on his bookshelf?”
“If she would just lose seven pounds.”
“Sure, he’s a partner, but it’s not a big firm. And he wears those short black socks.”
“Well, it started out great … beautiful face, great body, nice smile. Everything was going fine—until she turned around.” He paused ominously and shook his head. ”… She had dirty elbows.”

In other words, some people in our culture want too much out of a marriage partner. They do not see marriage as two flawed people coming together to create a space of stability, love and consolation, a “haven in a heartless world,” as Christopher Lasch describes it. Rather, they are looking for someone who will accept them as they are, complement their abilities and fulfill their sexual and emotional desires. This will indeed require a woman who is “a novelist/astronaut with a background in fashion modeling,” and the equivalent in a man. A marriage based not on self-denial but on self-fulfillment will require a low- or no-maintenance partner who meets your needs while making almost no claims on you. Simply put—today people are asking far too much in the marriage partner.

Fellowship Associates: One of the Best Things That’s Ever Happened to Me

Recently a friend of mine asked me to explain what my time has been like with the Fellowship Associates Church Planting Residency Program. This is what I said in reply: It’s one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.

I wish every church planter could experience the training, mentoring, friendship, and help that I’ve been receiving through Fellowship Associates.

Read this overview of the residency program.

Check out the five other guys I’m in the residency with.

Learn about the type of men Fellowship Associates is looking for and consider whether this might be for you.

2 Books For Training Men

At Garden City Church we are big on training men as leaders. As a pastor much of my time is spent investing in men who will invest their lives in other men. This is how Jesus structured his ministry and this is what Paul instructed a young church planter named Timothy to do:

“and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also” -2 Timothy 2:2

Part of our training of men involves books. Before we begin the assessment process for man to become a Neighborhood Group leader/deacon* at Garden City, we have men work through the content of two books with their Neighborhood Group leader:

1. Church Planter: The Man, the Message, the Mission by Darrin Patrick. This book lays out the kind of men we want to build at Garden City.

2. Doctrine: What Christians Should Believe by Mark Driscoll and Gerry Breshears. This book lays out what we want our men to believe, live for, and die for at Garden City.

Men/pastors/leaders, if you’re looking for some content by which to train your men, consider making use of these two great books.

*NOTE: We also have women serve and lead in the role of deacon at Garden City. Our female deacons at Garden City are doing a fantastic job at leading people to Christ, discipling others, leading from the stage on Sundays, and helping make the ministry of the church happen.

Date Your Wife (When You’re 90 Years-Old)

Soon I will share more details about the release of my book, Date Your Wife. My hope is that Date Your Wife will help shape more men into husbands like Dr. Robert Mounce. From Justin Taylor‘s blog:

Dr. Robert H. Mounce, president emeritus of Whitworth College, has served as an important biblical commentator (especially on the book of Revelation in the NICNT series) and as a Bible translator (involved early on in the translation of the NIV and serving on the translation committee of the ESV—where he served with his son Bill, author of the widely used Basics of Biblical Greek Grammar).

A filmmaker was recently able to capture a brief snapshot of Dr. Mounce as he cares for his beloved wife through her extended illness. Dr. Mounce will be 90 at the end of the year, and his wife is 91.

This is what love and faithfulness looks like:

Why Marriage is Hard

Any two people who enter into marriage are spiritually broken by sin, which among other things means to be self-centered…That is why a good marriage is more painfully hard to achieve than athletic or artistic prowess. Raw, natural talent does not enable you to play baseball as a pro or write great literature without enduring discipline and enormous work. Why would it be easy to live lovingly and well with another human being in light of what is profoundly wrong within our human nature? Indeed, many people who have mastered athletics and art have failed miserably at marriage. So the Biblical doctrine of sin explains why marriage–more than anything else that is good and important in this fallen world–is so painful and hard. -Tim and Kathy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage pp. 40-41

The Penn State Scandal.

Below is the intro to Joe Cater’s post on the Penn State Scandal. You must read the whole thing. I am so angry over the passivity, cowardice, selfishness, injustice, and evil exhibited by men at Penn State.

For the past few days I’ve been trying, without success, to make sense of the disgusting spectacle at Penn State. My reaction can be summed up in one word: inexplicable. The actions of Jerry Sandusky, Joe Paterno, Graham Spanier, Mike McQueary, the rioting Penn State students—all of it is inexplicable. I tell myself that it must be an anomalous event, for I can’t bear the idea that it may be symptomatic of our larger culture.

Since other writers have formed more coherent opinions on the topic, I’ll share what I think about what they’ve written.

My main thought about the situation is summed up by this comment by Rod Dreher:

I don’t know that I can think of an act of everyday cowardice more vile than Mike McQueary, big strapping 6-foot-4-inch Mike McQueary, walking away when he came upon an old man sodomizing a little boy.

Exactly. McQueary is the living embodiment of cowardice. The idea that a man could act in such a manner is beyond my comprehension. Anyone who is even remotely sympathetic to his situation or thinks they may have done the same thing in similar circumstances needs to stop whatever they are doing and begin some serious soul-searching.

Authentic Manhood

My friend John Bryson and his partners are putting together some exciting material for men. Watch this 2 minute video.

33 Trailer from Flashlight Media Group on Vimeo.

Man Up

Men and women, please read this CNN article by William Bennett, Why Men Are in Trouble. From the body of the article:

Today, 18-to- 34-year-old men spend more time playing video games a day than 12-to- 17-year-old boys. While women are graduating college and finding good jobs, too many men are not going to work, not getting married and not raising families. Women are beginning to take the place of men in many ways. This has led some to ask: do we even need men?

So what’s wrong? Increasingly, the messages to boys about what it means to be a man are confusing. The machismo of the street gang calls out with a swagger. Video games, television and music offer dubious lessons to boys who have been abandoned by their fathers. Some coaches and drill sergeants bark, “What kind of man are you?” but don’t explain.

Movies are filled with stories of men who refuse to grow up and refuse to take responsibility in relationships. Men, some obsessed with sex, treat women as toys to be discarded when things get complicated. Through all these different and conflicting signals, our boys must decipher what it means to be a man, and for many of them it is harder to figure out.

Buzzard Boys

After Jesus and my wife, my greatest joy is in my three sons.

Today my middle son, Hudson, turns 3.

Tomorrow my youngest son, Gus, turns 1.

In a few weeks my oldest son, Cru, turns 5.

My three sons are a gift I don’t take for granted. I love them so much. A huge chunk of my time and energy every day goes to loving, leading, enjoying, training, and wrestling these three little guys. Our home is full of so much testosterone, play, laughter, and non-stop care-giving. My wife and I love it. The time is already going by so fast.

I think the greatest ministry in my life has nothing to do with church planting or writing or speaking, but with these three boys.

    Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the children of one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
(Psalm 127:3-5 ESV)

Men Need Men

Men,

You need a circle of strong men in your life who love you, challenge you, want the best for you, speak truth to you, and who you can wholeheartedly trust.

Together is always better than alone.

Men, especially those of you called to lead, do whatever it takes to have one or several such circles of men in your life.