Interview: Mark A. Weathers

Mark A. Weathers is a pastor at Providence Presbyterian Church in North Carolina and the author of a great little book that I'm reading right now, How to Pray for Your Wife. I recently interviewed Mark, asking him about his book, and a few other topics. Here's the interview:Mark, what led you to write How to Pray for Your Wife?Before my wife, Tara, and I left the country to serve as missionaries in Ecuador, a friend gave my wife a document written by Bob Hostetler called 31 Biblical Virtues to Pray for your Children. As I saw my wife daily praying for our sons, I thought to myself, “Wow, it would be great if I had something like that to pray for my wife.” Running with this idea, I went to the Scriptures to design “31 Prayers for a Wife.” Using Proverbs 31 (the quintessential passage on the excellent woman), I studied it in its original Hebrew and crafted an outline that I used in my daily prayers.Interestingly enough, it was not my aim to see this published. Several years after I completed my outline, I gave a copy to a friend of mine who pastors a church in Chicago. He passed it on to a contact he knew at Crossway. I was then encouraged to submit a proposal to Crossway, which I did, thinking it would get shot down. But lo and behold, after some months had passed, Crossway contacted me with their interest to turn my outline into a devotional book for men. Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised.What changes have you seen in your life and in your marriage as you've learned to more thoughtfully and regularly pray for your wife?Justin, I realize the need to choose my words with care here, so I’ll answer the question and trust your readers can read between the lines. In a nutshell, I would have to say GREATER INTIMACY has happened. When Tara and I stood at the altar and exchanged our vows, I thought I couldn’t possibly love this woman more than I did then. And now I look back and am overwhelmed at the depth of the love we share, and how that love has deepened through the ups and downs of real life.I have also seen changes in my ministry. Not only have I fallen deeper in love with my bride, I have fallen deeper in love with The Bride, the church. Understanding better the marriage relationship has expanded my understanding of ecclesiology (the study of the church). Namely, that God is so in love with his people that he is on a mission to redeem the universe. He sent Christ to re-capture a runaway world. And through his grace, we, as Christ’s Bride, get to support him in this venture!Mark, why is a solid understanding and enjoyment of the gospel central to a healthy marriage and to a husband's prayers?Great question, Justin. The gospel is central (or should be central) to the life of every follower of Jesus. There is NOTHING else in this world that has the power to transform a life. A good movie might move us; an unexpected check in the mail may excite us; a good book might motivate us; a glass of aged wine may impress us. But only the message of the gospel can transform us. Paul said, “I am not ashamed of the gospel because it is the power of God for salvation for everyone who believes…” (Romans 1:16).Understanding the gospel helps us understand the work of grace going on in us and in the lives of our spouse. Case in point: it is so amazing that even after I have been a jerk to my wife, she still loves me and thinks I’m the man of her dreams. I don’t deserve that kind of love. But that’s what makes grace so amazing – it’s not deserved; it’s granted. In the same way, Jesus loves me even when I run after and lust after some idol, thinking it will bring me life. I come back to Jesus repentant, and he offers pardon and cleansing.Whoa, I got off on a tangent. We were talking about marriage. Anyway, I would have to say a healthy marriage is one that reflects a graceful ballroom dance. When one partner happens to miss a step and comes down on the other’s toes, there is no retaliation. Instead, the dance continues (or should continue).Your book is built around Proverbs 31. Are there any other passages of Scripture that have proved especially helpful to you in guiding prayer for your wife?Before I answer this question, I want to clear up some misunderstandings of Proverbs 31. Most of the time when I talk to single Christian men, I hear them say that they want to marry a Proverbs 31 woman. If there are females present in the midst of such a conversation, I usually hear, “Good luck there, buddy. She doesn’t exist.” All this to illustrate that I have come to discover that many Christian women don’t like Proverbs 31 because it has been misused to beat them up and send them packing for a guilt trip. And I have to agree. I have cringed through many a sermon on Proverbs 31 where the well-intentioned preacher didn’t have a clue about the abundant grace present in the passage.As far as other guiding passages, I would have to say Ephesians 5:21-33. In such a few short verses, Paul sure packs a punch about marriage and the church.Mark, how would you advise men who are not yet married, but who want to be married, to be praying for a future spouse?Buy my book! Uh, seriously, I would say that as you pray for your future wife (or single gals, as you pray for your future husbands), begin to understand that God is in the process of designing someone specifically for you. Your ultimate spouse will be someone God uses to make you into the man or woman he wants you to be and not necessarily the man or woman you think you should be. Put simply, my former doctrine professor, Dr. Krabbendam, said it best: “Marriage is not meant to make you happy; it’s meant to make you holy.” (Funny, I didn’t quite understand this until after I was married).