How to Leave a Church

Today I received a kind, yet difficult to read, email from a person who is planning on leaving our church. In working through my response, I was helped by re-reading an excellent article from Reed Jolley, my pastor during my college years.Here's the article in full:PUTTING ASUNDER:SOME THOUGHTS ON HOW TO QUIT YOUR CHURCHREED JOLLEYApril 2007After ten great years, it’s time for our family to leave this church.She said this over a cup of coffee and with a hint of tears in hereyes.  She wanted me to know that their family’s sojourn with SantaBarbara Community Church had been a pleasant one, that they had grownin their faith, and that they would miss the people.  She wanted toexpress her gratitude and let me know why they needed to leave….It’s fairly easy to find a book or an article that tells you how tochoose and join a church.  Eugene Peterson, for example, writes in oneof his books that it’s a good idea to choose the church that is thesmallest and closest to your home.  On the other hand, Ted Haggard sayssomewhere that we should ask where God seems to be moving and then getas near to that place as possible.  Fair enough.  But what aboutleaving a church?  American evangelicals shuffle all too often fromchurch to church, following the movements and fancies of the moment,but that’s not what I’m addressing here.  I’m talking about when thereare legitimate reasons for leaving a local body of believers.First, however, let me say that our loyalty to our church should bestronger than our attraction to the better praise band down the streetor to the in-depth preacher who just took a job at the church on thecorner.  Leaving a church should feel like leaving a marriage.  Itshould hurt because we have lived our lives with a group of people, andnow we are leaving.  But, again, there are legitimate reasons toleave.  Doctrinal considerations or the specific needs of our childrenare, for instance, two valid reasons for leaving a church.  When achurch is moving in a direction that an individual or a family feels iscontrary to God’s Word, that is another prudent reason for making achange.But how should one leave?  The usual method is to slither out the backdoor with the hope that no one notices. Over the years I’ve hadnumerous conversations with people who have left Santa BarbaraCommunity Church, conversations that are sometimes embarrassing andsometimes hurtful.  Haven’t seen you in a while, I say as we pass onState Street. Is everything okay?  Then I learn that this person hasmoved to another church for whatever reason.  I’m quick to try torelieve the embarrassment.  Assuming this person has moved to a goodchurch, I say something like Well, may God bless you and keep you. . . That’s a great church, and I’m sure it will be betterwith you in it.  We’re all on the same team in the Body of Christ.We’ll miss you.But these conversations—while cordial and sincere—are hurtful becausethey happen accidentally.  A serendipitous encounter at the grocerystore should not be the moment to announce that three months ago youleft your church.  When I have these encounters, I find myself thinkingas a pastor, I’ve prayed for this person and invested my life in thisfamily. I performed his wedding and dedicated his baby.  Besides,aren’t we members of the same church universal?  How could he and hisfamily leave without so much as a good-bye?So how do we leave a church?  I offer the following suggestions:First, leave deliberately.  Don’t slither or slide.  Don’t wanderhither and yonder.  When it’s time to go, go—and then go become anintegral part of another good, Bible-believing, Christ-saturatedchurch.  The New Testament knows nothing of individual believers takinga little from here and sampling a little from over there.  The biblicaldoctrine of the church describes a body of believers deeply committedto Christ and to one another.Second, go graciously.  Has your theology changed to the extent thatyou need to join a different church?  Have the needs of your family oryour work schedule compelled you to make a move?  Fine.  Move, but movegraciously.  Resist the temptation to concentrate on the warts andblemishes of the church you are leaving.  (You’ll find, soon enough,that your new church has a few of these too!)  It is important that youleave your church graciously and join your new church graciously.Eugene Peterson writes:Every time I move to a new community, I find a church close by and joinit—committing myself to worship and work with that company of God'speople.  I've never been anything other than disappointed. Everyoneturns out to be biblical, through and through: murmurers, complainers,the faithless, the inconstant, those plagued with doubt and riddledwith sin, boring moralizers, glamorous secularizers.  Every once in awhile a shaft of blazing beauty seems to break out of nowhere andilluminate these companies, and then I see what my sin-dulled eyes hadmissed: Word of God-shaped, Holy Spirit-created lives of sacrificialhumility, incredible courage, heroic virtue, holy praise, joyfulsuffering, constant prayer, persevering obedience.Third, go thankfully. I write as a man who has been a pastor of thesame church for almost three decades.  During these years many peoplehave left our church (some of them because of me).  To be honest, someof the people who have left I don’t miss much.  And others I misssorely.  But I always appreciate the one who takes the trouble to saygood-bye.Embarrassing or awkward as it may be, have an exit interview with oneof the leaders, elders, or pastors of the church you are leaving.Explain the reasons for your departure, express your gratitude fortheir hard work, and commit yourself to praying for the church withwhich you will no longer be associated. These exit interviews are rare,but they are sweet.  Pastors care about people.  So when someone comesto me, shares where God seems to be leading her, and gives thanks forher season of involvement at SBCC, I beam with joy.  Pastors are notrunning a business and trying to get more customers.  Pastors areshepherds of a flock.  On our good days we are not jealous of oursheep; we have their best interests at heart.  Still, it is rarely easyto hear someone say, I gotta go. . .  In fact, it always hurts.  Butthe pain is softened when we learn that he or she is going to settle ina godly congregation of Christ-exalting believers.  After all, we’re onthe same team working for the same purposes.Church membership and church involvement are serious undertakings.When we meet Christ, we are saved into the church.  The Bible speaks ofour being members of one another (Romans 12:4-5).  We are joinedtogether in Christ (Ephesians 4:15-16).  We eat from one loaf and drinkfrom one cup (Ephesians 4:4-5).  We are to carry one another’s burdens(Galatians 6:2).  We might even find ourselves selling our property inorder to meet another’s needs (Acts 4:32ff.).  We are to be a forgivingcommunity (Colossians 3:13) that is deeply in love with one another(John 13:34).  The church is a precious gift to God’s people. Christdied to bring the church into being  (Ephesians 5:25)!  The church isthe mantelpiece of God, the display of God’s splendor before the angels(Ephesians 3:10)! So let us take care that we cherish the organism thatChrist suffered to create—and may God bless his church!